**this post is about breastfeeding. consider yourself warned.
in my last post i talked about my reflection over the past year of mommyhood. along with this comes my thoughts, experiences, and love/hate relationship with nursing. i can say that evie & i accomplished way more than i had initially planned on. i gave myself a 6 month goal mark. at 6 months we were still going strong so i decided to shoot for a year. and we have done just that!
i've never had that "overwhelming warm fuzzy feeling" that a lot of mom's talk about when they nurse. it was a practical decision. do it for evie's well-being & do it because its cheaper. dont get me wrong, i LOVE my daughter to the ends of the earth. but nursing...it was so much more difficult than i ever imagined. here i have been giving up so much to continue to be a nursing mom. my body. my time. my work day. my social life. sigh...
in the past couple months nursing has become even more challenging since evie is so active & mobile. she will climb all over me, pinch me, hit me, pull my hair...leaving me frustrated and discouraged. women don't talk about this. it is taboo (similar to postpartum depression). women only talk about the joys of breastfeeding rather than the pains.
this past week i was able to eliminate the middle of the day feeding (which was primarily pumping since i am a working mom). i honestly believe pumping spiked the hate side of my relationship with breastfeeding. medela has done an incredible job of making the pump discreet and stylish...but there is something completely unnatural about hooking up like a cow 1-4 times a day. i envy the stay at home mom who never has to hear the motor of a breastpump...two more feedings to drop over the next couple weeks and we are homefree! we made it evie.
on to LOVE side of nursing. there is nothing more rewarding than raising a child. there is no way to even begin to describe how your heart can BURST with love for them. amidst of all of my frustration with breastfeeding there would always be a glimmer of hope - and that would be in the moments when evie would look up at me and smile. or in the middle of the night when her sweet eyes could barely stay open and she looked so peaceful. those moments are the ones i will always treasure.
evie, i adore everything about you. your sweet smile. your sweet laugh. the way you point your finger to draw our attention to you. the times you cant help yourself and have to dance to the music. the moments when you lay your head on my shoulder to get a quick snuggle in. how you jump for joy when we come get you out of your crib. your baby banter in your absolutely adorable little voice. but most of all the "overwhelming warm fuzzy feeling" i get just by looking at you.
